Wait… is that blood?

Back in New York my parents and I piled into a cab one morning on our way to brunch. We were zooming past Saks and laughing at tourists who looked exhausted, grumpy and were clearly making the error of walking absolutely everywhere... when I idly perused the inside of the cab to my left where … Continue reading Wait… is that blood?

The Subtle Art Of Having A Breakdown

Oh, Hi there. Long time no see. What have I been doing for the past seven months? Well, I’ve been perfecting the art of a french martini while splayed on the sofa covered by a gorgeous cashmere throw I found at a flea market and binge watching Garrett Watts videos on youtube. Because he is uncomplicated … Continue reading The Subtle Art Of Having A Breakdown

Getting into a right (Empire) State

To have a hope in hells chance of getting to the Empire State before the worst of the tourist crowds (to which I now belong) snaked around the building - we had to get up early. As luck would have it the time difference between London and New York made this horrific task a walk … Continue reading Getting into a right (Empire) State

Don’t call me Daddy

I had recently been procrastinating about an irritating cough that just wouldn't go away. It started as annoyingly persistent and turned into the sort of deep-in-the-chest cough you would expect to come out of someone like Brian Blessed. To the point that when people heard me cough they actually said “um…Are you okay?” The thing … Continue reading Don’t call me Daddy

Comic Con – spring 2019

I went to the spring Comic-Con recently. Growing up in the golden area before the mobile phone I'm grateful to have been able to develop as a human being without the pressures of Facebook, Instagram and snapchat dragging me into a bigger pit of body dysmorphia and self loathing. Instead of taking pictures of myself … Continue reading Comic Con – spring 2019

Dressed to kill(?)

I’ve got a swanky do to go to at the end of November. A do that requires full-on glam and a cocktail dress. I’m slightly panicked about the entire situation Hopefully you can relate. You see... Last year Mr Maybes sister got married. Shopping for the wedding was traumatising. Especially as a designated social hermit … Continue reading Dressed to kill(?)

It will never last…

I decided five weeks ago that rather than talking about it, writing about it or waxing lyrical about the eventual results of it – I was actually going go ahead and do it. I was going to get fit. Or (in new-age hyper PC speak) “make a lifestyle adjustment” The ultimate adjustment being that I … Continue reading It will never last…

I’m in a weird mood

As you can probably tell - I'm in a weird mood. My skin has partially broken out (bad), the inland revenue gave me £4,000 for overtaxing last year (good) - and my auntie just died (heartbreaking). There are also thunderflies everywhere, which makes any situation ten times worse. I attended the funeral in a fabulous … Continue reading I’m in a weird mood

All you need is love (and books and chicken soup…)

Everyone in our W1 office has some form of bug, flu or plague at the moment and inevitably my time has now come to share in this unwelcome game of tag. As it's Easter, my parents have taken pity on me and insisted I visit them regardless of the projectile mucus and 'Regan'-esque Exorcist vocals … Continue reading All you need is love (and books and chicken soup…)

Cold Rush

I think the worst thing about getting a cold is that plummeting gut-feeling on discovering the carrier monkey in your life (lets call him Brian for the sake of argument) is oozing at the seams with bacteria. It's an eye-rolling sense of "Oh great" that (upon reflection) is entirely justified. Some people are capable of … Continue reading Cold Rush

Like, why are you so obsessed with me?

Okay. I am usually a very calm individual. You know, on the outside. However certain things make me incandescent with rage. And one of these things includes a person blatantly copying me. The way I see it, this is not the greatest sign of flattery. It's a lack of originality. The list of things that … Continue reading Like, why are you so obsessed with me?

So this is thirty … (two)

It was my thirty-second birthday on Wednesday. I would have posted about it... but it was tremendously low-key and spent deep cleaning my flat, doing the laundry, wallowing in the bath and binge watching Netflix while drinking large quantities of rum. Much like Captain Jack Sparrow. As you do. It's a weird feeling to enter … Continue reading So this is thirty … (two)

Well… this is awkward. AKA retrospective blogging

I don't know about any of you who may or may not have a blog of your own, but vast quantities of The Mottled Macaroon is in draft form and posted in retrospect. Generally my life is a fabulous mess swirling round on itself like microwave porridge. And despite this admittedly being a bottomless pit … Continue reading Well… this is awkward. AKA retrospective blogging